Mind Space

me.

ImsorryIcantgowithyou.

ImsorryImamess.

ImsorrythatImlostsonowImaemotionalwreck.

I dont get it. I dont get why it cant just be simple. Thats all i want for something in this life of mine to be simple. To be on my side and for my benefit. Why does everything come with a challenge?!

imsorrybutimsickofbeingtested. 

im tired of being by myself. and you know what? youre leaving me. youre leaving for who knows how long anymore. you can tell me a thousand times why youre leaving and i can pretend to comprehend a thousand times…but to me the truth is youre leaving me,

im scared of going with you just as i am scared of staying. i hate that its up to me. its my decision. either way im stupid. i cant choose. but i cant not choose. thats why i feel lost and its hurting me deeply inside. I wish there was an alternative choice or path or something but theres not. Theres just this.

i dont know what to do. so i just cry. and you…youre just living. just continously smiling.

thats why i hate these stupid little trips youre going on. isnt hawaii enough? you have to leave me for more weekends? for people you dont even talk to anymore? and the fact that i cant go with you doesnt matter. with or without me you are leaving…just like hawaii.

why does this only hurt me and tare me up inside? not anyone else.

a thought occured to me today. i want to run away by myself. i want to run away from the way things are now. from this life of mine. its just a thought.

i dont know how to overcome this one. i just have no clue.  

mantaajaneey:

I’m so unattached to people
and I’m not sure if that’s
a good or bad thing.

(via cupcakesmakemehappy)

• Lost my grandfather
• nearly lost my fiance
• lost majority of my “friends”
• nearly lost myself
• lost 3 months of my life
• nearly lost my cousin
• lost track of time
• nearly lost my goals

2012 hasn’t been the easiest, but it hasn’t been the hardest.

I will start my tumblr back up, but this time emphasize on some new goals and positive influences in my life. I will share the knowledge that I gain and so forth.

This is my phResh start.

Like right when its about to start but it decides to hold off a day or two and make you feel like your about to leak the whole time! Just start already!

bleh.

I stood up for what the Church is trying to do with billboards and commercials. As i thought would happen, nonmembers (not all but i figure a lot) think its ridiculous or say who cares or whatever. Thats great have your opinions, but get to know the facts before you make yourself look stupid. I informed someone why the billboards & commercials are there….in reply i got “well if they have to let people know they are normal with billboards and commercials that says enough..”

That did burn me. Not just as a member. But as a human being. How can ignorance burn so strongly in someone I know to be intelligent if she tries? Sure I know i have ignorance in some areas. But if i dont know everything about it I wont slam it. Especially via Facebook so all of my cool friends can push the like button. Anyways, I stood up for what the Church is trying to do…spread the Gospel to those in search of it and inform anyone who is interested, just simply wanting to know a little more about the Mormon Church not necessarily join, is all about. I stood up for what matters most to me.

If i lost a friend, so be it. I lost some before.

Dont be ignorant. Stand up for yourself and your beliefs. And watch what you say or to who you say it to. That is all.